I was supposed to go camping over the weekend, but forces conspired against me and the plan was kiboshed. Crestfallen, I trudged back up to my mountain perch. I opened the door and... Holy Expletive Batman! I've been robbed! The condo was sacked and my junk had been scattered.
Wait. Scratch the burglary theory- the TV was still there along with my Kitchen Aid Mixer and Le Creuset enamel (what? don't most burglars know their cookware?). Along with everything being scattered about, the carpet was torn up in several spots and a liberal amount of pasta and oatmeal had been strewn about. Then what could have made this mess... Oh my god! Bear in the White Pine Condo Complex! Retreat!
And as I was about to boogie on out of there in favor of somewhere a little less bear-ridden, when I noticed a trail of droppings that seemed petite, even by baby bear standards. Upon further investigation, the culprit was spotted. Ground Squirrel? Prairie Dog? Well, whatever it was, the well-fed member of the rodentia family had taken up residence in the fold-out couch.
Feeling like Nathan Lane in the 1997 Disney epic "Mouse Hunt," I spent the better part of Friday night/Saturday Morning chasing the intruder around with a Swiffer Duster extension and James the security guard who claimed "it was the most excitement he'd had in a while." One Hugglie (generic form of the infomercial sensation the Snuggie. Yes, it was a re-gift.), multiple shrieks of rodent-induced fear, and a live trap later, the mess-maker was trapped like a rat. Because that's what it was. A Bushy-tailed Woodrat (Neotoma cinerea) to be precise, more commonly known as a Pack Rat.
How it got in? I have two theories. One- I leave the door open when it's nice for some fresh air and it may have just wandered in and got trapped when I shut the door. Two- During the hunt, that dirty rat ran up into the wall to the right of the sink. There is a hole where the cabinet baseboard meets the wall. This is where the live trap was set in front of with an elaborate tunnel made of black garbage bags and the aforementioned Hugglie. The damage toll is as follows: Couch- more than vaguely musty, even after copious amounts of febreze. The pack rat had made a nest out of whole wheat spaghetti, toilet paper, and one of every earring I own. Carpet near both doors- moderate chew-age.
And what does all this have to do with food, more specifically Outdoor Gourmet Grilling Planks? Drum roll for this week's recipe please!
Cedar Planked Woodrat with Shallots and Herbs
Ingredients:
1 well-fed pack rat (they seem to thrive on pistachios, pasta, and toilet paper)
1 Outdoor Gourmet Cedar or Hickory Grilling Plank
2 Shallots
3 Cloves of Garlic
Fresh Rosemary, Thyme, cracked black pepper, and sea salt to taste
Ok, so I actually didn't cook it.
Here's wishing you an infestation-free weekend! -KB
Disclaimer: No rodents were harmed in the making of this blog. Once caught, Woody the Woodrat (I even named him.) was released back onto the 4th floor. KIDDING! Actually, he was released back outside, if indeed outside was where he came from. It was basically like a scene from Free Willy or Born Free. For any of you who do decide to grill up some rodents, the Outdoor Gourmet is in no way responsible for the contraction of Hantavirus, Rabies, squAIDS, or the Bubonic Plague.
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